Wednesday, February 3, 2010


poetic justice has many faces---and TIGER---a meandering wildcat---fell into an abyss---a powerless pawn in a game where he wasn't the chess Master! An unfamiliar role--and confused.

Hold it!---Wait a minute!---an Epipheny!---Yes!--an Epipheny!---OMG!---a nanosecond, and
I AM THE CENTER OF UNIVERSAL TRUTH--I see it all!---ENLIGHTENMENT--ILLUMINATION---OMG! I cried out!---how could I have been so wrong?---TIGER is innocent! Yes! TIGER WOODS is innocent!

He's not the one to blame for all those "pecas"---all those one nighters---all those thrilling cheating moments powered by infidelity---No!--No! TIGER was a victim! You heard me! a victim of the game he loved so much. the real villain--the true villain---is GOLF!!!---yes, you heard right!---Golf is what led TIGER astray---toying with his mind--playing with his emotions--Golf turning TIGER into a hostage--driving TIGER's brain into a 24-7 uncontrollable
hyperdrive frenzy!

Yes-Golf is the villain---My God,man!---can't you see?---it's the LANGUAGE of golf that's the enemy! Yes!---the language!---you heard me! all these Golf terms--golf phrases--golf expressions--shooting through his brain like subliminal x-rated bullets!---subtle, devious, the power of suggestion lies in wait--like a real hungry tiger--ready to pounce and destroy even those at the top of their sport!

who would believe this quiet, peaceful, slow moving game--in reality--is a verbal playground of sexual hangups!---Yes!---enough sexual hangups to fill a pantheon of porn vocabulary!---an 18 hole Scottish-hand-me-down semantic minefield--slowly driving TIGER mad.

so don't blame TIGER acting like he hit himself on the head with a wedgy and a 5-iron---he was helpless against a daily onslaught of repressed erotica safely tucked away within the bowels of Golf cliches---from nice guy to wild sex addict---Golf euphemisms pounding his head---TIGER exploded with the passion of an X-rated Don Juan!

the girls flipped for TIGER'S charm--as he explained to these nanosecond lovers the thrill of making a hole-in-one!---YES!---proud his performance in bed is UNDER PAR!
---she ooohs and aaahs

how he loves the game--even when his balls are in the rough!
---"ohhhhh---ohhhh!" she squeels

the joy of grasping a shank--hard and stiff--and gently stroking a putting green.
---"YES--YES--YES--!" she moans

boasting to the girls about unprotected sex--not bothering to put a glove on his driver!
"OH--you're driving me mad-mad-mad!"

making girls come apart--when he winks and tells them how good he is---at the SKINS GAME!
"oh, I can't take it--don't stop--don't stop!---OHHHHH--OHHHHHH--OHHHHHH!




Man, am I hungry---let's get Chinese!

see, TIGER couldn't help it---it's those Golf expressions---they drive a guy nuts!

a beaten, bruised--totally confused
Super Hero--and feeling used

TIGER WOODS--Part 6--next

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