Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Yeah,you heard me!---BAIL-OUT SENIOR CITIZENS!---NOW!---QUICK!---we're running out of time!---this Recession (more like a smoking Depression--right?) needs to be resuscitated without any further delay!---

we're in the middle of a major national crises!---a financial tsunami---our economy is barely breathing on life support---our societal existence as we know it is being seriously threatened! our so called "normal way of life" is teetering on the brink---a shove or two away from morphing into a very "unnormal way of life."

what I'm saying is: we are in a war!---we are being attacked!---the enemy is surrounding us!-- so what do we do?---well, the old days we'd send in the Marines---alert the Navy---send up jet fighters and bombers---drop a load of Paratroopers!---you know, that kind of war---a good old fashion one---like WWW II. and we knew where the front lines were---and we won that war because we wanted to win it---Americans were all united and stood together and achieved the greatest military victory in the history of this world.

only this war we're in today is more pernicious---more deadly---more devastating---than any war we've ever been in---and the front lines aren't thousands of miles away---but in all the neighborhoods we live in and all the homes we live in---and the enemy doesn't wear army uniforms and carry semi-automatic rifles.

No!---in this new war military headquarters are the Major Banks---and plush offices on Wall Street!---populated and staffed by CEO CIVILIAN GENERALS and small tight cadres of highly trained and obedient top executives---and when this cunning New Army salutes the flag---they pledge allegiance to the flag of Greed---Immorality---and to their own God of Profit---at any cost!

and so the web of future insolvency began at blinding speed---Banks robo-stamping approval of millions of home mortgage loans without ever checking to see if the buyers even had a job---how much income they made---what kind of credit history and rating they had---who cares!!--the financial gold rush was on!

Banks were dancing on the Yellow Brick Road---only Oz wasn't the destination---they were too busy packaging all these worthless loans and selling them to Wall St. and Wall St. flipped into a ballet of ecstasy---dancing on their toes as they repackaged all these fraudulent loans at highly inflated profits and sold them to the rest of the world---and the rest of the world was stuck with a pile of low-grade Bandini!---as low a grade as possible.

and so the inevitable happened---a housing market that took down this country!--- a crash that regrettably will knock Humpty-Dumpty out of Fables---'cause the crash we're going through is the Fairy Tale of Fairy Tales---we see it and yet we---we---we just can't believe it!

remember the ending of Humpty?
all the King's horses and all the King's men
couldn't put Humpty-Dumpty back together again!
are we talking metaphor here?---sounds ominous, huh?

trillions and trillions and trillions of dollars were lost by the American people who believed in the American system---who believed in Banks---and trusted them when they told us how safe our money was---and to keep buying CDs and invest in stocks and bonds---to guarantee that when we retire we could live a decent and happy life. so much for promises, huh?

everyone was hurt in this Bank-made monetary collapse----but none more so than Senior Citizens-----the one group that can truly say: we were robbed of a lifetime of savings! ---lied to and cheated by those in power who knew full well the massive fraud and deceit they were engaged in and committing without any conscience.

Senior Citizens lost over 70%-90% of their life savings in retirement funds----stocks---bonds---------IRAs---CDs---other money instruments-----so where's the bail-out for them?-----for some strange reason, it seems that the Government didn't give a rat's ass about the Golden Years------the one dependable honest group in the country------and instead, almost broke their legs, they were in such a hurry to bail-out Banks and Wall St.-----the tyrants who engineered this financial tsunami meltdown that has left this country wallowing ever deeper in a quagmire of despair.

hard to believe-----the crooks robbed the banks----then the criminals got rewarded hundreds of billions of dollars for committing the crime!----is this a Laurel and Hardy?-----sing-a-long now:

da doot da doot
da doot da dootddd
da doot da doo doo doo
doot da doot!

Seniors are the only ones now who can save this country-----our secret weapon-----and what a powerful one!---devoted---loyal---compassionate---what better virtues to begin a renaissance of common sense and healing.

Senior Citizens are the largest major group that can be united for a single purpose:----- Jump start the economy and drastically lower the unemployment rate currently running at 21%!-----yeah, you heard right!-----21% unemployment rate---not 9% as they're constantly quoting!-----which means at this very moment-----30 million workers have no jobs---no prospects of finding any---OUCH!---and the future looks even bleaker---OUCH!--OUCH!-----30 million Americans with empty wallets and odds-on favorites to be permanently unemployed!---TRIPLE OUCH!!!

it's so bad, the Government has coined a new phrase for this mess: The New Normal---can you believe this?---the unemployed paradox---THE NEW NORMAL!---in other words, they're ready to write off 30 million lives as waste product---trash---used parts unusable in a high-tech society---nothing but a lingering drag taking us down even further with no ending in sight.

this tragedy could have been avoided so easily.
the Banks could have said "no" to the millions of mortgage "liar loan applications" buyers were so willing to fill out---but greed is a powerful motivator---the madness began!

Banks lent to anyone with a pulse!
economy and banks spin out of control
Obama seeks out Henry Paulson
Paulson comes up with TARP---a 700 billion dollar bail-out gift to the banks
Fed Chief Bernanke tells banks to borrow all the money they need at the "Fed Window"
banks borrow trillions!-----at no cost to them-----freeeeeeee money!!!
banks buy Government Bonds paying 3% with borrowed trillions
banks profit over 100 billion dollars a year holding Government Bonds
banks break their promise to Government---refuse to write new mortgage loans
banks break promise to stop foreclosures-----help destitute homeowners in bankruptcy

is that a laugh you hear?

it certainly is---it's the banks laughing their ass off on this most unbelievable scam they pulled on Obama--Congress--and the American people.

when the banks got what they wanted---(all those billions and billions of free do-whatever-you want-to-do-with-it money)---they flipped Congress the"bird" and went on their jolly way.

the housing market has just gone into a double-dip recession-----the misery index has reached an all-time high, and this once proud nation is trying to forget the millions and millions of Americans who are fading away and losing all hope of holding on to the American dream.

but cheer up my fellow Americans---Kwayzar is riding to the rescue!

(drum roll, please!!!)---(trumpets, sound the charge!) !!!!!!!

ladies and gentlemen---I present to you---the KWAYZAR SALVATION PLAN!!!----- daring in its concept---and so original it amazes even me!---and ohhhhh----------is it a beauty!

1) the Government creates the new:------Senior Golden Trust Fund.

2) Senior Citizens (65 years and older)---getting Social Security--- will be the only ones to receive the interest income from the Senior Golden Trust Fund

3) the Senior Trust Fund will be capitalized---are you ready for this?---at 6Trillion dollars!---and paying an annual interest rate of 10%!---6 trillion dollars at 10% will bring in 600 billion dollars in interest a year!

4) there are app. 40 million Seniors in this country. so we divide 40 million into 600 billion dollars---and presto!---40 million Seniors each get $15,000 dollars a year in interest!

5) the Senior Golden Trust Fund will have a shelf-life of 10 years and should zero out in that time---perhaps a bit longer as a certain amount of interest each year is added to the fund from the investment the Trust Fund will be in.

6) and that's how we climb out of this deep, lingering recession we're in!-----40 million Seniors now spending an extra 600 billion dollars a year and the economy will lift-off like a rocket!---factories and warehouses will be booming again!---Pow!Wow!---I mean Boom da Booming again!

7) think of it---40 million Seniors not only going out to those extra dinners again---leaving more tips again---buying clothes---flat screen TVs---taking cruises they couldn't afford to take getting less than 1 % on Bank CDs---and buying new cars again---and having that extra money to pay for a lot of $5 & $6 dollars a gallon gas at the pump---which is where we're heading--and soon!

But who is more loving and more nurturing and generous than Grandma & Grandpa to their children and grandchildren?---they'll spend-spend-spend almost to their last dollar to protect and keep them well.---and see that they get all the opportunities they possibly can.

8) Seniors are the only ones who can jump-start this moribund economy---the only ones in a better position to give---if they had extra dollars to give.

Seniors don't have to save anymore for their retirement---
Seniors don't worry about losing their home--those battles are over---
Seniors don't worry about bosses anymore!--or if their job will be waiting for them next week!--they have already put in a lifetime of work---

Seniors are the largest group in this country bonded by age---and by a single passion of giving---Seniors---the most dependable-loyal-patriotic force that is the heart of this nation---and we are the richer for it.

the question is---the big big question is:---where do we get 6 trillion dollars to fund it all?---where?---where?---where?---and suddenly the answer came!---Yes!---OMG!---of course---how simple---why didn't anyone think of this before?-----we get the 6 trillion dollars from the very people who should never have gotten it in the first place---our compassionate and caring banks!---yes!---Banks!---get it from them!---YES!---YES!---oh how beautiful!---slam dunk---one for the home team!---WINNN-INNNG!!! (pardon the Sheenism)---

YES!---poetic justice come full circle!---get it from the Banks!!!

remember the "Fed Window" and Fed Chief Bernanke telling the Banks they can borrow all the money they want---so the Banks ran to the Fed Window and borrowed over 6 trillion dollars ---then turned right around and bought 6 trillion dollars of Government Bonds paying 3% interest-------6 trillion at 3% comes to 180 billion dollars a year in pure interest---how about that for a risk-free investment.

no wonder Banks stopped making home mortgages-----don't have to worry about buyers defaulting---and foreclosures---and bankruptcies---hey!---not when you got Government Bonds at 3%---how much safer is that?---just sit back, do nothing, and watch all those billions roll in!--ah, yes---how sweet it is!

that's how Banks paid off TARP so fast---and are reporting billions of dollars in profits every quarter now.
2 years ago---for the entire banking industry---it was the end of Western Civilization!
now the Banks are suddenly swimming in cash---and raising fees---oh, how they're raising fees for millions and millions of consumers whose money it was that the Banks grabbed at the Fed Window!--- how's that for another Laurel & Hardy?
and the trillions the banks borrowed at the Fed-----was interest-free to the Banks-----the Banks got all that money at no cost to them!---holy samola and WOW!WOW!WOW! ! !

"what's that?"---I hear people screaming---"you can't take those Government Bonds the Banks have---it's Unamericanism!---fascism!---socialism!---communism!---mafiaism!---and throw in Lady Gagaism!---it's liberalism run amok!"

oh yeah!---well listen up---the bible says: an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth!---Well, the American people want their eyes and their teeth back!------got it?-----the Banks got this money fraudulently!-----they're lucky they're not in prison for the lies and deceit they used to con the Govenment to get it.

think of the trillions and trillions of dollars our Government has wasted bailing out country after country after country all these years---and the returns we received were pitiful!---and the one group that would do more for this country than anyone has been totally ignored and forgotten.

"End The Recession?---Easy---Bailout Senior Citizens!"

oh, by the way---the word is out that Banks---(Yep! here we go again)---are in the process of giving CEOs and Executives 100 million dollar bonuses-----
and 30 million unemployed Americans can't pay their rent!

God Bless America

---- (the pollenator)

Kwayzar is a Federal Registered Trademark
Copyright 2011 by Stanley Jerry Hoffman

Email: kwayzar2009@gmail.com

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I'm mad as hell--and I'm not gonna fake it anymore!

Yeah, you heard me--I'm mad as hell--and I'm not gonna fake it anymore!
"wait a minute--fake it anymore?---you mean "I'm not gonna take it anymore!"
NO--I'm not gonna fake it anymore!---I'm gonna do exactly what Steve Slater did!
"Steve Slater?"
yeah, remember?---the airline steward who reached the boiling point at passengers yelling and snapping at him and momentarily went bananas or berserk or for a nanosecond crossed the threshold of insanity (take your pick)---flipped the lever--popped a beer--slid down the escape shoot from the plane-- and happily walked away from his job--security--401K---WOW! WOW! WOW!
that' s my hero!---you hear me?---a HERO!
he got his 15 minutes of fame because he just couldn't take it anymore--and went out and did something about it !-----a little guy, a little employee--no power or connections--made a statement heard 'round the world--like the first shot fired at Concord--and a revolution started because one small peon wouldn't take it anymore.

"wait a minute---how can he be your hero when you just said he couldn't take it anymore--and you keep saying 'I'm not gonna fake it anymore.' "
that's right---he just didn't go far enough.
"far enough?"
that's right---look---not taking it is one-dimensional---not faking it is all-encompassing!
"I'm listening--but I think I'm getting rattled."

OK--when you're not gonna take it anymore--it usually refers to where you work and all the chicken shit things they throw at you on a daily basis---dirty inside power plays--office politics--work conditions--that turn you into a repressed nervous twerp--and you gotta take it or you'll be wiping your butt with only one pink slip!---right?
"yeah, I guess."

well, I'm going to a new level--from this day on, I'm through with phonies--liars--con artists--chiselers--cheaters--smiles with contempt behind them---in other words, I'm not gonna fake it anymore from any source and pretend things are fine--and be a willing stooge while scum bags of every size and shape splash--paint--and cover my body in demeaning verbal acrylics until I morph into a human graffiti wall.

enough is enough!---I'm mad as hell and I'm fighting back!
"what are you gonna do?"
I'm gonna out-fake all the fakers who've been out-faking me all my life!
"you mean there's that many fakers out there?"
they're all over the place---and it happens every second of the day!
"like what?"
how about:

bartenders who water down drinks--they fake it!
women screaming during an orgasm--they fake it!
a waiter saying the fish is wild caught and not farm raised!--he fakes it!
saleslady telling obese teen-agers how sexy they'll look in a new bikini--she fakes it!
supermarkets advertising "our produce is all organic"--they fake it!
farmers markets saying their produce is 100% organic when they buy from
the same chemical sprayed soil the supermarkets buy from--they fake it!
cheating wives and cheating husbands staying together by sheer force of habit--they fake it!
school kids texting each other answers to exams--they fake it!
Big Mac selling burgers to a jingle: "I'm loving it" except when it's heart attack time-- fake it!
Big Pharma sells drugs to keep us healthy/thousands drop dead taking it--they're faking it!
Congress demanding the budget be cut but won't cut one dollar from their income--they fake it!
Bush invading Iraq on a lie--Weapons of Mass Destruction--the President even faked it!

"while you're at it--throw in India."
"Yeah--they're loaded with Fakirs!"
you know--I'm so furious I'm gonna overlook that remark---let's get a drink.
"a drink?---didn't you just say bartenders water down the --------"
I don't care what I said--I'm desperate--I'm dry--and I'm buying.
"hell, let's go--so the martini's weaker than before--who cares--I'm drinking with a friend--they can't water that down---let's go!"

(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

stanley jerry hoffman

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

political amnesia---alive and well

what's happening?
I mean, what the hell is happening?
is it true---millions of independent voters are deserting President Obama and flocking in droves back to the party of NO?

it's amazing!--no, it's unbelievable!--no, it's absolutely mind-blowing!-----no, it's--it's--Political Amnesia! --that's what it is!---a deadly mind disease that strikes without warning --twisting logic into a pretzel and wreaking havoc upon a once trusted friend--the MEMORY.

Indie Voters, it seems, forgot what happened 3 years ago when Western Civilization was going down for the count--and now Indie Voters feel so bad for the party of NO--they want Republicans to get another crack at them---to punish them.-----that's it!---yes!
Independent Voters, I bestow upon thee a new title: the Masochist Party!-----yes!--yes!--yes!!!

it all makes sense now---Bush didn't quite take all your money--and you feel bad about that--
(you only lost 90% of your pensions--401 K's--IRA's)---and the pain of losing your life savings felt so good--you wanna give the party of NO another chance to wipe out the other 10%---
a 2nd time around---and maybe this time the party of NO will have enough time to finish the job completely!-----I can see that---you're the MP Party---Masochist Party!---and you don't want the party of NO to walk away losers--there's no pain in that--no!--OMG!--that's no fun---you want them in again so you can suffer!

how sweet the pain of getting whipped with lies!---tortured by voracious banks determined to keep you a mortgage slave forever---yes!---you want them in again to relive those exhilarating,
maddening moments when your brain took a mental depression dive into a pool of torment--and you swam knowing you could drown at any time---and the anxiety and anguish made your body tingle and come alive--and the pain---oh, the sweet taste of punishment made you cry out for more---I can see that---you're the MASOCHIST PARTY!

the Independent Voters---MP!
so come on, baby---and punish me!
logic loses all---reality
so come on, baby---and punish me!

it's not your fault--though--it's the GOP
always on the wrong side--of history!

in the 20"s and 30's--the GOP fought tooth and nail to kill Social Security
in the 30's and 40's--fought tooth and nail to kill Unemployment Insurance
in the 40's and 50's--fought tooth and nail to kill Universal Health Care
in the 50's-60's-70's-80's--the GOP fought tooth and nail against abortion---and when these 13 and 14 year-old-girls were forced to have these babies--the Republican Party turned their backs on these young, frightened girls and never gave one penny to pay for the baby's birth--not one penny to pay the doctors--medical bills--food--clothes--education--shelter-----in effect, the Republican Party told these girls: "we forced you to have the baby--now take care of them yourself."

the party of NO should be proud of this record--and since 9-11--even prouder of their accomplishments.

yes!---the Republican Party:
this is the same gang that gave us the Iraq War!
this is the same gang that gave us the Afghanistan War!
this is the same gang that gave Banks and Wall Street 8 years of carte blanche to commit financial crimes without government interference---the profits so immense--no one cared about the tragic events to follow---the thread of greed outweighing the fabric of decency!

the Republican Party:
the same gang that killed 8 years of Stem Cell research---and millions of Americans died for lack of cutting edge life-saving therapies!

Yes!---this is the Republican Party:
the same gang that fought tooth and nail to SHIP AMERICAN JOBS OVERSEAS!
the same gang that coined the word "outsourcing"---what a delightful euphemism---so much nicer than saying "hey fella--you're laid off" or "that's right--your ass is now unemployed!"

so remember--all you millions of Indie Voters--the Republican Party came up with the word outsourcing---and shipped millions of American jobs to foreign countries.

put that in your "made in china" pipes--and puff it!"

(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

stanley jerry hoffman

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

recession?---call the rich

I'm a sardonic--laconic--platonic
animatronic--Duran Durand
head in the sand
a White House ostrich

things are so bad
I'm down to eating beans,
and I thought of a line
from the genius genes
of John Maynard Keynes

the great economist
shaking an iron fist --
in the "Paradox of Thrift"
raves and raves
and raves and raves

that if everyone saves,
everyone is poorer
from all walks of life
from the lazy
to the doer

buying Burger Kings
is bad!
pizza sad!

and cheap sloppy slurpies
and tropical shakes,
that ain't gonna do it--
we need the rich
buying diamond
encrusted cup cakes!

we need high rollers
the big ass spenders!
not little guys repairing

applaud the rich
buying a Lexus
or Mercedes!
without all that spending
we're heading
for Hades!

what's more important,
selling a bikini
or Super Rich buying
a $200,000 Lamborghini?

get all that wealth out
put it in circulation
we'll get a new start
in this debt-ridden nation

it's an absolute must
without wealthy spending,
we'll all go bust!
now who do you trust?
I rest my case!

(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a FederalTradeMark


Monday, May 24, 2010

SNL--Tina Fey---"dejavu" propo3

it happened again---I can't believe it!---IT HAPPENED AGAIN!

this Sat. night (5--22-2010)---DEJAVU!---and so fast!

in living color---right in front of my eyes--SNL pops on the screen with the ever ebullient Tina Fey---the wit-snap-dragon-lady of comedy and 2 cohorts---tearing into Tiger Woods in a golf sketch that I wrote in my series on Tiger Woods--Too Big To Fail--Part 5.

This SNL show was a repeat of the original show done a few weeks ago--but the golf sketch was so funny--I guess Tina and crew had to do it again quick to keep the high laugh ratings going.

I understand--if you want the best laughs you go to the best comedy writer!---if it's a choice between laughs and silence---screw the ethics!---go for the belly laughs and keep denying the evil deed.

that's why Tina Fey is an off-beat genius!---what I'm saying is--the real genius in Tina Fey is the genius she has in finding the most creative comedy minds and doing 180 on them as she pilfers their funny lines---smiling all the while into the camera---building, always building, her resume into a legendary domain.

I spoke to my Rabbi about this---how SNL stole my whole Tiger Woods golf concept without so much as a twinge of conscience---and nary a mention of me as the original writer.

the Rabbi thought about this for a moment--and being the wise man that he is--looked into my eyes with 5000 years of Jewish wisdom racing through his brains and said: "ahh, eat some pickled herring and a chopped liver sandwich, have a good belch , you'll feel better---and don't expect too much justice in this life---that's why we have a heaven-----OK, boychik?"

so I'm taking the Rabbi's advice---and I'm letting go.
but the pain still lingers.
Tina could have emailed me---at least something:
a Thank You maybe--
just a plain simple "thank you."

(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

stanley jerry hoffman

ps: I did get on the show with Justin Bieber, though.
who knows---maybe they needed me to cover his back!

Friday, April 30, 2010

snl and tina fey--the heist comedy gang--propo 2

I'm still waiting to hear from the notorious SNL rogues who decided that my writing humor was superior to theirs on the subject regarding TIGER WOODS and the golf brain-washing bit I published for all to read: TIGER WOODS--TOO BIG TO FAIL--PART 5 .

I can only deduce that they stole my satirical sketch on TIGER when they really needed something funny and at that moment their creative comedy minds were locked up in a mental ghetto!---with no possible way out except for the ORIGINAL who dreamed it up--- but how embarrassing to come begging for a golf concept by an unknown writer not in their funny den.

A sad commentary on ethics by the power heads who pride themselves on their originality when they steal ---without remorse---and get PAID FOR IT!---and live in peace with their dastardley deeds!

SNL--Tina Fey--propo 3 next

(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

stanley jerry hoffman

Saturday, April 17, 2010

SNL-Tina Fey stole my Blog on Tiger Woods--propo 1

Last Sat. night --April 10, 2010--I'm watching SNL and imagine my surprise--here's 2 cast members and Tina Fey doing a golf sketch about TIGER WOODS and how he couldn't help doing what he did sexually with all those girls because it wasn't his fault.
No!---Tina says it wasn't TIGER'S fault--it was the language of golf that was the villain!---all those golf expressions and words with sexy, dirty meanings.-----that's what drove TIGER off the edge.
those deep, subliminal messages constantly banging on him--no willpower left to fight the daily onslaught intimidating his right hemisphere--and TIGER became a helpless pawn in this seemingly quiet, innocent, yet pernicious game--a victim of golf brainwashing!

it's all there in "TIGER WOODS--TOO BIG TO FAIL--part 5"
on my Blog : kwayzar.blogspot.com

so when I saw the SNL sketch I saw shocked, hurt, sad, and yet happy that I was good enough for Tina Fey--who I really do adore--to commit verbal theft--semantic burglary--idea plagiarism--and show the world that I AM A GOOD WRITER!---and the best part--I didn't have to beg anyone to do it like most writers.

so thank you Tina--and your cohorts--and Lorne Michaels---who would have ever thought I'd get my 15 minutes of fame on SNL--for a comedy blog I did on Tiger Woods (albeit a very quiet
15 minutes of fame).

it's a feather in my unemployed hat---and I console myself with a line I have in my rap video now on YOUTUBE-----"Kwayzar-the Cyber Rap video"-----the line: "and take the journey"---

it's the journey,Tina Fey----- it's aways been the journey.

SNL--Tina Fey propo 2 next

(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

stanley jerry hoffman