I'm mad as hell--and I'm not gonna fake it anymore!

Yeah, you heard me--I'm mad as hell--and I'm not gonna fake it anymore!
"wait a minute--fake it anymore?---you mean "I'm not gonna take it anymore!"
NO--I'm not gonna fake it anymore!---I'm gonna do exactly what Steve Slater did!
"Steve Slater?"
yeah, remember?---the airline steward who reached the boiling point at passengers yelling and snapping at him and momentarily went bananas or berserk or for a nanosecond crossed the threshold of insanity (take your pick)---flipped the lever--popped a beer--slid down the escape shoot from the plane-- and happily walked away from his job--security--401K---WOW! WOW! WOW!
that' s my hero!---you hear me?---a HERO!
he got his 15 minutes of fame because he just couldn't take it anymore--and went out and did something about it !-----a little guy, a little employee--no power or connections--made a statement heard 'round the world--like the first shot fired at Concord--and a revolution started because one small peon wouldn't take it anymore.

"wait a minute---how can he be your hero when you just said he couldn't take it anymore--and you keep saying 'I'm not gonna fake it anymore.' "
that's right---he just didn't go far enough.
"far enough?"
that's right---look---not taking it is one-dimensional---not faking it is all-encompassing!
"I'm listening--but I think I'm getting rattled."

OK--when you're not gonna take it anymore--it usually refers to where you work and all the chicken shit things they throw at you on a daily basis---dirty inside power plays--office politics--work conditions--that turn you into a repressed nervous twerp--and you gotta take it or you'll be wiping your butt with only one pink slip!---right?
"yeah, I guess."

well, I'm going to a new level--from this day on, I'm through with phonies--liars--con artists--chiselers--cheaters--smiles with contempt behind them---in other words, I'm not gonna fake it anymore from any source and pretend things are fine--and be a willing stooge while scum bags of every size and shape splash--paint--and cover my body in demeaning verbal acrylics until I morph into a human graffiti wall.

enough is enough!---I'm mad as hell and I'm fighting back!
"what are you gonna do?"
I'm gonna out-fake all the fakers who've been out-faking me all my life!
"you mean there's that many fakers out there?"
they're all over the place---and it happens every second of the day!
"like what?"
how about:

bartenders who water down drinks--they fake it!
women screaming during an orgasm--they fake it!
a waiter saying the fish is wild caught and not farm raised!--he fakes it!
saleslady telling obese teen-agers how sexy they'll look in a new bikini--she fakes it!
supermarkets advertising "our produce is all organic"--they fake it!
farmers markets saying their produce is 100% organic when they buy from
the same chemical sprayed soil the supermarkets buy from--they fake it!
cheating wives and cheating husbands staying together by sheer force of habit--they fake it!
school kids texting each other answers to exams--they fake it!
Big Mac selling burgers to a jingle: "I'm loving it" except when it's heart attack time-- fake it!
Big Pharma sells drugs to keep us healthy/thousands drop dead taking it--they're faking it!
Congress demanding the budget be cut but won't cut one dollar from their income--they fake it!
Bush invading Iraq on a lie--Weapons of Mass Destruction--the President even faked it!

"while you're at it--throw in India."
India?
"Yeah--they're loaded with Fakirs!"
you know--I'm so furious I'm gonna overlook that remark---let's get a drink.
"a drink?---didn't you just say bartenders water down the --------"
I don't care what I said--I'm desperate--I'm dry--and I'm buying.
"hell, let's go--so the martini's weaker than before--who cares--I'm drinking with a friend--they can't water that down---let's go!"

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

copyright--2010
by
stanley jerry hoffman

political amnesia---alive and well

what's happening?
I mean, what the hell is happening?
is it true---millions of independent voters are deserting President Obama and flocking in droves back to the party of NO?

it's amazing!--no, it's unbelievable!--no, it's absolutely mind-blowing!-----no, it's--it's--Political Amnesia! --that's what it is!---a deadly mind disease that strikes without warning --twisting logic into a pretzel and wreaking havoc upon a once trusted friend--the MEMORY.

Indie Voters, it seems, forgot what happened 3 years ago when Western Civilization was going down for the count--and now Indie Voters feel so bad for the party of NO--they want Republicans to get another crack at them---to punish them.-----that's it!---yes!
Independent Voters, I bestow upon thee a new title: the Masochist Party!-----yes!--yes!--yes!!!

it all makes sense now---Bush didn't quite take all your money--and you feel bad about that--
(you only lost 90% of your pensions--401 K's--IRA's)---and the pain of losing your life savings felt so good--you wanna give the party of NO another chance to wipe out the other 10%---
a 2nd time around---and maybe this time the party of NO will have enough time to finish the job completely!-----I can see that---you're the MP Party---Masochist Party!---and you don't want the party of NO to walk away losers--there's no pain in that--no!--OMG!--that's no fun---you want them in again so you can suffer!

how sweet the pain of getting whipped with lies!---tortured by voracious banks determined to keep you a mortgage slave forever---yes!---you want them in again to relive those exhilarating,
maddening moments when your brain took a mental depression dive into a pool of torment--and you swam knowing you could drown at any time---and the anxiety and anguish made your body tingle and come alive--and the pain---oh, the sweet taste of punishment made you cry out for more---I can see that---you're the MASOCHIST PARTY!

the Independent Voters---MP!
so come on, baby---and punish me!
logic loses all---reality
so come on, baby---and punish me!

it's not your fault--though--it's the GOP
always on the wrong side--of history!

in the 20"s and 30's--the GOP fought tooth and nail to kill Social Security
in the 30's and 40's--fought tooth and nail to kill Unemployment Insurance
in the 40's and 50's--fought tooth and nail to kill Universal Health Care
in the 50's-60's-70's-80's--the GOP fought tooth and nail against abortion---and when these 13 and 14 year-old-girls were forced to have these babies--the Republican Party turned their backs on these young, frightened girls and never gave one penny to pay for the baby's birth--not one penny to pay the doctors--medical bills--food--clothes--education--shelter-----in effect, the Republican Party told these girls: "we forced you to have the baby--now take care of them yourself."

the party of NO should be proud of this record--and since 9-11--even prouder of their accomplishments.

yes!---the Republican Party:
this is the same gang that gave us the Iraq War!
this is the same gang that gave us the Afghanistan War!
this is the same gang that gave Banks and Wall Street 8 years of carte blanche to commit financial crimes without government interference---the profits so immense--no one cared about the tragic events to follow---the thread of greed outweighing the fabric of decency!

the Republican Party:
the same gang that killed 8 years of Stem Cell research---and millions of Americans died for lack of cutting edge life-saving therapies!

Yes!---this is the Republican Party:
the same gang that fought tooth and nail to SHIP AMERICAN JOBS OVERSEAS!
the same gang that coined the word "outsourcing"---what a delightful euphemism---so much nicer than saying "hey fella--you're laid off" or "that's right--your ass is now unemployed!"

so remember--all you millions of Indie Voters--the Republican Party came up with the word outsourcing---and shipped millions of American jobs to foreign countries.

put that in your "made in china" pipes--and puff it!"

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

copyright--2010
by
stanley jerry hoffman

recession?---call the rich

I'm a sardonic--laconic--platonic
animatronic--Duran Durand
head in the sand
a White House ostrich

things are so bad
I'm down to eating beans,
and I thought of a line
from the genius genes
of John Maynard Keynes

the great economist
shaking an iron fist --
in the "Paradox of Thrift"
raves and raves
and raves and raves

that if everyone saves,
everyone is poorer
from all walks of life
from the lazy
to the doer

buying Burger Kings
is bad!
pizza sad!

and cheap sloppy slurpies
and tropical shakes,
that ain't gonna do it--
we need the rich
buying diamond
encrusted cup cakes!

we need high rollers
the big ass spenders!
not little guys repairing
fender-benders!

applaud the rich
buying a Lexus
or Mercedes!
without all that spending
we're heading
for Hades!

what's more important,
selling a bikini
or Super Rich buying
a $200,000 Lamborghini?

get all that wealth out
put it in circulation
we'll get a new start
in this debt-ridden nation

it's an absolute must
without wealthy spending,
we'll all go bust!
now who do you trust?
I rest my case!

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a FederalTradeMark

copyright--2009

SNL--Tina Fey---"dejavu" propo3

it happened again---I can't believe it!---IT HAPPENED AGAIN!

this Sat. night (5--22-2010)---DEJAVU!---and so fast!

in living color---right in front of my eyes--SNL pops on the screen with the ever ebullient Tina Fey---the wit-snap-dragon-lady of comedy and 2 cohorts---tearing into Tiger Woods in a golf sketch that I wrote in my series on Tiger Woods--Too Big To Fail--Part 5.

This SNL show was a repeat of the original show done a few weeks ago--but the golf sketch was so funny--I guess Tina and crew had to do it again quick to keep the high laugh ratings going.

I understand--if you want the best laughs you go to the best comedy writer!---if it's a choice between laughs and silence---screw the ethics!---go for the belly laughs and keep denying the evil deed.

that's why Tina Fey is an off-beat genius!---what I'm saying is--the real genius in Tina Fey is the genius she has in finding the most creative comedy minds and doing 180 on them as she pilfers their funny lines---smiling all the while into the camera---building, always building, her resume into a legendary domain.

I spoke to my Rabbi about this---how SNL stole my whole Tiger Woods golf concept without so much as a twinge of conscience---and nary a mention of me as the original writer.

the Rabbi thought about this for a moment--and being the wise man that he is--looked into my eyes with 5000 years of Jewish wisdom racing through his brains and said: "ahh, eat some pickled herring and a chopped liver sandwich, have a good belch , you'll feel better---and don't expect too much justice in this life---that's why we have a heaven-----OK, boychik?"

so I'm taking the Rabbi's advice---and I'm letting go.
but the pain still lingers.
Tina could have emailed me---at least something:
a Thank You maybe--
just a plain simple "thank you."

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

copyright--2010
by
stanley jerry hoffman

ps: I did get on the show with Justin Bieber, though.
who knows---maybe they needed me to cover his back!
K

snl and tina fey--the heist comedy gang--propo 2

I'm still waiting to hear from the notorious SNL rogues who decided that my writing humor was superior to theirs on the subject regarding TIGER WOODS and the golf brain-washing bit I published for all to read: TIGER WOODS--TOO BIG TO FAIL--PART 5 .

I can only deduce that they stole my satirical sketch on TIGER when they really needed something funny and at that moment their creative comedy minds were locked up in a mental ghetto!---with no possible way out except for the ORIGINAL who dreamed it up--- but how embarrassing to come begging for a golf concept by an unknown writer not in their funny den.

A sad commentary on ethics by the power heads who pride themselves on their originality when they steal ---without remorse---and get PAID FOR IT!---and live in peace with their dastardley deeds!

SNL--Tina Fey--propo 3 next

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

copyright--2010
by
stanley jerry hoffman

SNL-Tina Fey stole my Blog on Tiger Woods--propo 1

Last Sat. night --April 10, 2010--I'm watching SNL and imagine my surprise--here's 2 cast members and Tina Fey doing a golf sketch about TIGER WOODS and how he couldn't help doing what he did sexually with all those girls because it wasn't his fault.
No!---Tina says it wasn't TIGER'S fault--it was the language of golf that was the villain!---all those golf expressions and words with sexy, dirty meanings.-----that's what drove TIGER off the edge.
those deep, subliminal messages constantly banging on him--no willpower left to fight the daily onslaught intimidating his right hemisphere--and TIGER became a helpless pawn in this seemingly quiet, innocent, yet pernicious game--a victim of golf brainwashing!

it's all there in "TIGER WOODS--TOO BIG TO FAIL--part 5"
on my Blog : kwayzar.blogspot.com

so when I saw the SNL sketch I saw shocked, hurt, sad, and yet happy that I was good enough for Tina Fey--who I really do adore--to commit verbal theft--semantic burglary--idea plagiarism--and show the world that I AM A GOOD WRITER!---and the best part--I didn't have to beg anyone to do it like most writers.

so thank you Tina--and your cohorts--and Lorne Michaels---who would have ever thought I'd get my 15 minutes of fame on SNL--for a comedy blog I did on Tiger Woods (albeit a very quiet
15 minutes of fame).

it's a feather in my unemployed hat---and I console myself with a line I have in my rap video now on YOUTUBE-----"Kwayzar-the Cyber Rap video"-----the line: "and take the journey"---

it's the journey,Tina Fey----- it's aways been the journey.

SNL--Tina Fey propo 2 next

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

copyright--2010
by
stanley jerry hoffman

Kwayzar at the Deli with Bobby Darin