Wednesday, January 6, 2010

tiger woods part 1

the shocking news blasted out of cable--TV--satellite--radio--cell phones--internet--TIGER Woods has committed adultery---did I hear right? was that ADULTERY? OMG! WOW!

his faithful wife at home--and America's hero is out studding it up with cocktail waitresses--pornstars--and other beautiful girls eager to throw their bodies at the world's greatest golf player--who also just happens to be a Billionaire! now why would girls want to do that? WHY?!

and Tiger---is this the same TIGER with that youthful innocent face---that heart warming boyish grin---that nice sweet young kid with the fairy tale career and marriage? You're sure it's the same TIGER we see in the news all the time?---smiling and looking so gentle and carefree?THAT TIGER? I need lasik! my eyes deceive me.

can you believe it? can you REALLY believe it? one young guy--his only weapon a golf club and a small round ball--taking down 4 major Corporate sponsorships: AT@T--NIKE--GATORADE-GILLETTE--to the undanceable tune of 14 billion dollars in losses--and billions more in losses coming. Wow! Wow! Wow! all because TIGER is the greatest golfer in the world--and those Corporate Suits fell into line and fell for Tiger---hook--line and stinker! Schmucks!!! you don't put all your eggs in one basket! you don't put all your stocks in one basket! you don't put all your vegas money in one basket---are you nuts? have you lost you senses! and you certainly don't put all your MORALS in one basket! not in one celebrity! now you're ASKING FOR REAL TROUBLE! the fast lane has a great track record of disaster. and if you do (all in one basket) which you did--we got ourselves a perfect emotional storm: Astonishment--Disbelief--and a raging sense of BETRAYAL!

hey suits, are you listening? invest in IMAGE---get blindsided by REALITY! Corporate Egos and Tunnelvision: a perfect pair! and all that education--my my my! I'd like to meet the PR guy who said bad publicity is good for you. hey fella, check this speed bump!

and now the burning question--a question holding the world in suspense---




  1. Outstanding rant! Best way to greet the world with my first cup of coffee. K-Man, you're on a roll! And on my blogroll, too. I'm just not sure I'm going to go for your corporate sponsorship just quite yet....!

  2. Yes Don't judge a book by its cover...looks CAN be deceiving.....

  3. Republicans were outraged Monday by two-year-old remarks of Democratic Senate Majority leader Harry Reid about the electability of Barack Obama, in which Reid (an early Obama supporter) spoke of Obama's light skin color and his lack of "Negro dialect." The GOP, they said, would never apply such superficial criteria to the choice of high African-American officials.

    Nor would the GOP ever use an outmoded term such as "Negro," except in that beloved Christmas spiritual, "Barack the Magic Negro."

    Meanwhile, Liz Cheney urged her party to unite behind rapper 50 Cent for the GOP presidential candidate in 2012. "That will teach Reid a lesson," she said, noting that gangsta rap is about guns, wearing big crosses, distrust of government, entrepreneurship, rejection of science and elite education, over-dressing, torturing your enemy, occasionally shooting your friends, and upholding old-time patriarchy. "I'm not accusing Mr. Cent of any of these things, mind you. Let's face it, Tupac and Notorious B.I.G aren't here any more, but maybe we can hearken back to them." Plus, she noted, singing along with gangsta rap lyrics makes it possible to go way beyond just saying "Negro" the way Saltsman and Reid did. "That will be a relief for a lot of members of our party," she acknowledged.

    "You can't accuse gangsta rap of being anything lite," she noted. "Nobody in my family has ever been able to understand a word they say--but we like the values, especially the guns and shooting and torturing people." Embracing this subculture, she asserted, would help the Republican Party get back to its core values. Moreover, she said, the Republican Party could reinvigorate gangsta rap, which many say is dead--killed by the opulence the big payouts by recording companies made possible. "Did you see what we did to Baghdad and Saddam? Nobody is better at gang wars and busting caps in people's asses than we are. We're proof that rich people don't have to be soft or nice." Asked about a possible running mate for 50, she just smiled coyly.

    GOP: 50-Cheney in 2012