END THE RECESSION?--EASY--BAIL OUT SENIOR CITIZENS!

Yeah,you heard me!---BAIL-OUT SENIOR CITIZENS!---NOW!---QUICK!---we're running out of time!---this Recession (more like a smoking Depression--right?) needs to be resuscitated without any further delay!---

we're in the middle of a major national crises!---a financial tsunami---our economy is barely breathing on life support---our societal existence as we know it is being seriously threatened! our so called "normal way of life" is teetering on the brink---a shove or two away from morphing into a very "unnormal way of life."

what I'm saying is: we are in a war!---we are being attacked!---the enemy is surrounding us!-- so what do we do?---well, the old days we'd send in the Marines---alert the Navy---send up jet fighters and bombers---drop a load of Paratroopers!---you know, that kind of war---a good old fashion one---like WWW II. and we knew where the front lines were---and we won that war because we wanted to win it---Americans were all united and stood together and achieved the greatest military victory in the history of this world.

only this war we're in today is more pernicious---more deadly---more devastating---than any war we've ever been in---and the front lines aren't thousands of miles away---but in all the neighborhoods we live in and all the homes we live in---and the enemy doesn't wear army uniforms and carry semi-automatic rifles.

No!---in this new war military headquarters are the Major Banks---and plush offices on Wall Street!---populated and staffed by CEO CIVILIAN GENERALS and small tight cadres of highly trained and obedient top executives---and when this cunning New Army salutes the flag---they pledge allegiance to the flag of Greed---Immorality---and to their own God of Profit---at any cost!

and so the web of future insolvency began at blinding speed---Banks robo-stamping approval of millions of home mortgage loans without ever checking to see if the buyers even had a job---how much income they made---what kind of credit history and rating they had---who cares!!--the financial gold rush was on!

Banks were dancing on the Yellow Brick Road---only Oz wasn't the destination---they were too busy packaging all these worthless loans and selling them to Wall St. and Wall St. flipped into a ballet of ecstasy---dancing on their toes as they repackaged all these fraudulent loans at highly inflated profits and sold them to the rest of the world---and the rest of the world was stuck with a pile of low-grade Bandini!---as low a grade as possible.

and so the inevitable happened---a housing market that took down this country!--- a crash that regrettably will knock Humpty-Dumpty out of Fables---'cause the crash we're going through is the Fairy Tale of Fairy Tales---we see it and yet we---we---we just can't believe it!

remember the ending of Humpty?
all the King's horses and all the King's men
couldn't put Humpty-Dumpty back together again!
are we talking metaphor here?---sounds ominous, huh?

trillions and trillions and trillions of dollars were lost by the American people who believed in the American system---who believed in Banks---and trusted them when they told us how safe our money was---and to keep buying CDs and invest in stocks and bonds---to guarantee that when we retire we could live a decent and happy life. so much for promises, huh?

everyone was hurt in this Bank-made monetary collapse----but none more so than Senior Citizens-----the one group that can truly say: we were robbed of a lifetime of savings! ---lied to and cheated by those in power who knew full well the massive fraud and deceit they were engaged in and committing without any conscience.

Senior Citizens lost over 70%-90% of their life savings in retirement funds----stocks---bonds---------IRAs---CDs---other money instruments-----so where's the bail-out for them?-----for some strange reason, it seems that the Government didn't give a rat's ass about the Golden Years------the one dependable honest group in the country------and instead, almost broke their legs, they were in such a hurry to bail-out Banks and Wall St.-----the tyrants who engineered this financial tsunami meltdown that has left this country wallowing ever deeper in a quagmire of despair.

hard to believe-----the crooks robbed the banks----then the criminals got rewarded hundreds of billions of dollars for committing the crime!----is this a Laurel and Hardy?-----sing-a-long now:

da doot da doot
da doot da dootddd
da doot da doo doo doo
doot da doot!

Seniors are the only ones now who can save this country-----our secret weapon-----and what a powerful one!---devoted---loyal---compassionate---what better virtues to begin a renaissance of common sense and healing.

Senior Citizens are the largest major group that can be united for a single purpose:----- Jump start the economy and drastically lower the unemployment rate currently running at 21%!-----yeah, you heard right!-----21% unemployment rate---not 9% as they're constantly quoting!-----which means at this very moment-----30 million workers have no jobs---no prospects of finding any---OUCH!---and the future looks even bleaker---OUCH!--OUCH!-----30 million Americans with empty wallets and odds-on favorites to be permanently unemployed!---TRIPLE OUCH!!!

it's so bad, the Government has coined a new phrase for this mess: The New Normal---can you believe this?---the unemployed paradox---THE NEW NORMAL!---in other words, they're ready to write off 30 million lives as waste product---trash---used parts unusable in a high-tech society---nothing but a lingering drag taking us down even further with no ending in sight.

this tragedy could have been avoided so easily.
the Banks could have said "no" to the millions of mortgage "liar loan applications" buyers were so willing to fill out---but greed is a powerful motivator---the madness began!

Timeline:
Banks lent to anyone with a pulse!
economy and banks spin out of control
Obama seeks out Henry Paulson
Paulson comes up with TARP---a 700 billion dollar bail-out gift to the banks
Fed Chief Bernanke tells banks to borrow all the money they need at the "Fed Window"
banks borrow trillions!-----at no cost to them-----freeeeeeee money!!!
banks buy Government Bonds paying 3% with borrowed trillions
banks profit over 100 billion dollars a year holding Government Bonds
banks break their promise to Government---refuse to write new mortgage loans
banks break promise to stop foreclosures-----help destitute homeowners in bankruptcy

is that a laugh you hear?

it certainly is---it's the banks laughing their ass off on this most unbelievable scam they pulled on Obama--Congress--and the American people.

when the banks got what they wanted---(all those billions and billions of free do-whatever-you want-to-do-with-it money)---they flipped Congress the"bird" and went on their jolly way.

update:
the housing market has just gone into a double-dip recession-----the misery index has reached an all-time high, and this once proud nation is trying to forget the millions and millions of Americans who are fading away and losing all hope of holding on to the American dream.

but cheer up my fellow Americans---Kwayzar is riding to the rescue!

(drum roll, please!!!)---(trumpets, sound the charge!) !!!!!!!

ladies and gentlemen---I present to you---the KWAYZAR SALVATION PLAN!!!----- daring in its concept---and so original it amazes even me!---and ohhhhh----------is it a beauty!

1) the Government creates the new:------Senior Golden Trust Fund.

2) Senior Citizens (65 years and older)---getting Social Security--- will be the only ones to receive the interest income from the Senior Golden Trust Fund

3) the Senior Trust Fund will be capitalized---are you ready for this?---at 6Trillion dollars!---and paying an annual interest rate of 10%!---6 trillion dollars at 10% will bring in 600 billion dollars in interest a year!

4) there are app. 40 million Seniors in this country. so we divide 40 million into 600 billion dollars---and presto!---40 million Seniors each get $15,000 dollars a year in interest!

5) the Senior Golden Trust Fund will have a shelf-life of 10 years and should zero out in that time---perhaps a bit longer as a certain amount of interest each year is added to the fund from the investment the Trust Fund will be in.

6) and that's how we climb out of this deep, lingering recession we're in!-----40 million Seniors now spending an extra 600 billion dollars a year and the economy will lift-off like a rocket!---factories and warehouses will be booming again!---Pow!Wow!---I mean Boom da Booming again!

7) think of it---40 million Seniors not only going out to those extra dinners again---leaving more tips again---buying clothes---flat screen TVs---taking cruises they couldn't afford to take getting less than 1 % on Bank CDs---and buying new cars again---and having that extra money to pay for a lot of $5 & $6 dollars a gallon gas at the pump---which is where we're heading--and soon!

But who is more loving and more nurturing and generous than Grandma & Grandpa to their children and grandchildren?---they'll spend-spend-spend almost to their last dollar to protect and keep them well.---and see that they get all the opportunities they possibly can.

8) Seniors are the only ones who can jump-start this moribund economy---the only ones in a better position to give---if they had extra dollars to give.

Seniors don't have to save anymore for their retirement---
Seniors don't worry about losing their home--those battles are over---
Seniors don't worry about bosses anymore!--or if their job will be waiting for them next week!--they have already put in a lifetime of work---

Seniors are the largest group in this country bonded by age---and by a single passion of giving---Seniors---the most dependable-loyal-patriotic force that is the heart of this nation---and we are the richer for it.

the question is---the big big question is:---where do we get 6 trillion dollars to fund it all?---where?---where?---where?---and suddenly the answer came!---Yes!---OMG!---of course---how simple---why didn't anyone think of this before?-----we get the 6 trillion dollars from the very people who should never have gotten it in the first place---our compassionate and caring banks!---yes!---Banks!---get it from them!---YES!---YES!---oh how beautiful!---slam dunk---one for the home team!---WINNN-INNNG!!! (pardon the Sheenism)---

YES!---poetic justice come full circle!---get it from the Banks!!!

remember the "Fed Window" and Fed Chief Bernanke telling the Banks they can borrow all the money they want---so the Banks ran to the Fed Window and borrowed over 6 trillion dollars ---then turned right around and bought 6 trillion dollars of Government Bonds paying 3% interest-------6 trillion at 3% comes to 180 billion dollars a year in pure interest---how about that for a risk-free investment.

no wonder Banks stopped making home mortgages-----don't have to worry about buyers defaulting---and foreclosures---and bankruptcies---hey!---not when you got Government Bonds at 3%---how much safer is that?---just sit back, do nothing, and watch all those billions roll in!--ah, yes---how sweet it is!

that's how Banks paid off TARP so fast---and are reporting billions of dollars in profits every quarter now.
2 years ago---for the entire banking industry---it was the end of Western Civilization!
now the Banks are suddenly swimming in cash---and raising fees---oh, how they're raising fees for millions and millions of consumers whose money it was that the Banks grabbed at the Fed Window!--- how's that for another Laurel & Hardy?
and the trillions the banks borrowed at the Fed-----was interest-free to the Banks-----the Banks got all that money at no cost to them!---holy samola and WOW!WOW!WOW! ! !

"what's that?"---I hear people screaming---"you can't take those Government Bonds the Banks have---it's Unamericanism!---fascism!---socialism!---communism!---mafiaism!---and throw in Lady Gagaism!---it's liberalism run amok!"

oh yeah!---well listen up---the bible says: an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth!---Well, the American people want their eyes and their teeth back!------got it?-----the Banks got this money fraudulently!-----they're lucky they're not in prison for the lies and deceit they used to con the Govenment to get it.

think of the trillions and trillions of dollars our Government has wasted bailing out country after country after country all these years---and the returns we received were pitiful!---and the one group that would do more for this country than anyone has been totally ignored and forgotten.

"End The Recession?---Easy---Bailout Senior Citizens!"

oh, by the way---the word is out that Banks---(Yep! here we go again)---are in the process of giving CEOs and Executives 100 million dollar bonuses-----
and 30 million unemployed Americans can't pay their rent!

God Bless America

-------KWAYZAR
---- (the pollenator)

Kwayzar is a Federal Registered Trademark
Copyright 2011 by Stanley Jerry Hoffman

Email: kwayzar2009@gmail.com

I'm mad as hell--and I'm not gonna fake it anymore!

Yeah, you heard me--I'm mad as hell--and I'm not gonna fake it anymore!
"wait a minute--fake it anymore?---you mean "I'm not gonna take it anymore!"
NO--I'm not gonna fake it anymore!---I'm gonna do exactly what Steve Slater did!
"Steve Slater?"
yeah, remember?---the airline steward who reached the boiling point at passengers yelling and snapping at him and momentarily went bananas or berserk or for a nanosecond crossed the threshold of insanity (take your pick)---flipped the lever--popped a beer--slid down the escape shoot from the plane-- and happily walked away from his job--security--401K---WOW! WOW! WOW!
that' s my hero!---you hear me?---a HERO!
he got his 15 minutes of fame because he just couldn't take it anymore--and went out and did something about it !-----a little guy, a little employee--no power or connections--made a statement heard 'round the world--like the first shot fired at Concord--and a revolution started because one small peon wouldn't take it anymore.

"wait a minute---how can he be your hero when you just said he couldn't take it anymore--and you keep saying 'I'm not gonna fake it anymore.' "
that's right---he just didn't go far enough.
"far enough?"
that's right---look---not taking it is one-dimensional---not faking it is all-encompassing!
"I'm listening--but I think I'm getting rattled."

OK--when you're not gonna take it anymore--it usually refers to where you work and all the chicken shit things they throw at you on a daily basis---dirty inside power plays--office politics--work conditions--that turn you into a repressed nervous twerp--and you gotta take it or you'll be wiping your butt with only one pink slip!---right?
"yeah, I guess."

well, I'm going to a new level--from this day on, I'm through with phonies--liars--con artists--chiselers--cheaters--smiles with contempt behind them---in other words, I'm not gonna fake it anymore from any source and pretend things are fine--and be a willing stooge while scum bags of every size and shape splash--paint--and cover my body in demeaning verbal acrylics until I morph into a human graffiti wall.

enough is enough!---I'm mad as hell and I'm fighting back!
"what are you gonna do?"
I'm gonna out-fake all the fakers who've been out-faking me all my life!
"you mean there's that many fakers out there?"
they're all over the place---and it happens every second of the day!
"like what?"
how about:

bartenders who water down drinks--they fake it!
women screaming during an orgasm--they fake it!
a waiter saying the fish is wild caught and not farm raised!--he fakes it!
saleslady telling obese teen-agers how sexy they'll look in a new bikini--she fakes it!
supermarkets advertising "our produce is all organic"--they fake it!
farmers markets saying their produce is 100% organic when they buy from
the same chemical sprayed soil the supermarkets buy from--they fake it!
cheating wives and cheating husbands staying together by sheer force of habit--they fake it!
school kids texting each other answers to exams--they fake it!
Big Mac selling burgers to a jingle: "I'm loving it" except when it's heart attack time-- fake it!
Big Pharma sells drugs to keep us healthy/thousands drop dead taking it--they're faking it!
Congress demanding the budget be cut but won't cut one dollar from their income--they fake it!
Bush invading Iraq on a lie--Weapons of Mass Destruction--the President even faked it!

"while you're at it--throw in India."
India?
"Yeah--they're loaded with Fakirs!"
you know--I'm so furious I'm gonna overlook that remark---let's get a drink.
"a drink?---didn't you just say bartenders water down the --------"
I don't care what I said--I'm desperate--I'm dry--and I'm buying.
"hell, let's go--so the martini's weaker than before--who cares--I'm drinking with a friend--they can't water that down---let's go!"

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

copyright--2010
by
stanley jerry hoffman

political amnesia---alive and well

what's happening?
I mean, what the hell is happening?
is it true---millions of independent voters are deserting President Obama and flocking in droves back to the party of NO?

it's amazing!--no, it's unbelievable!--no, it's absolutely mind-blowing!-----no, it's--it's--Political Amnesia! --that's what it is!---a deadly mind disease that strikes without warning --twisting logic into a pretzel and wreaking havoc upon a once trusted friend--the MEMORY.

Indie Voters, it seems, forgot what happened 3 years ago when Western Civilization was going down for the count--and now Indie Voters feel so bad for the party of NO--they want Republicans to get another crack at them---to punish them.-----that's it!---yes!
Independent Voters, I bestow upon thee a new title: the Masochist Party!-----yes!--yes!--yes!!!

it all makes sense now---Bush didn't quite take all your money--and you feel bad about that--
(you only lost 90% of your pensions--401 K's--IRA's)---and the pain of losing your life savings felt so good--you wanna give the party of NO another chance to wipe out the other 10%---
a 2nd time around---and maybe this time the party of NO will have enough time to finish the job completely!-----I can see that---you're the MP Party---Masochist Party!---and you don't want the party of NO to walk away losers--there's no pain in that--no!--OMG!--that's no fun---you want them in again so you can suffer!

how sweet the pain of getting whipped with lies!---tortured by voracious banks determined to keep you a mortgage slave forever---yes!---you want them in again to relive those exhilarating,
maddening moments when your brain took a mental depression dive into a pool of torment--and you swam knowing you could drown at any time---and the anxiety and anguish made your body tingle and come alive--and the pain---oh, the sweet taste of punishment made you cry out for more---I can see that---you're the MASOCHIST PARTY!

the Independent Voters---MP!
so come on, baby---and punish me!
logic loses all---reality
so come on, baby---and punish me!

it's not your fault--though--it's the GOP
always on the wrong side--of history!

in the 20"s and 30's--the GOP fought tooth and nail to kill Social Security
in the 30's and 40's--fought tooth and nail to kill Unemployment Insurance
in the 40's and 50's--fought tooth and nail to kill Universal Health Care
in the 50's-60's-70's-80's--the GOP fought tooth and nail against abortion---and when these 13 and 14 year-old-girls were forced to have these babies--the Republican Party turned their backs on these young, frightened girls and never gave one penny to pay for the baby's birth--not one penny to pay the doctors--medical bills--food--clothes--education--shelter-----in effect, the Republican Party told these girls: "we forced you to have the baby--now take care of them yourself."

the party of NO should be proud of this record--and since 9-11--even prouder of their accomplishments.

yes!---the Republican Party:
this is the same gang that gave us the Iraq War!
this is the same gang that gave us the Afghanistan War!
this is the same gang that gave Banks and Wall Street 8 years of carte blanche to commit financial crimes without government interference---the profits so immense--no one cared about the tragic events to follow---the thread of greed outweighing the fabric of decency!

the Republican Party:
the same gang that killed 8 years of Stem Cell research---and millions of Americans died for lack of cutting edge life-saving therapies!

Yes!---this is the Republican Party:
the same gang that fought tooth and nail to SHIP AMERICAN JOBS OVERSEAS!
the same gang that coined the word "outsourcing"---what a delightful euphemism---so much nicer than saying "hey fella--you're laid off" or "that's right--your ass is now unemployed!"

so remember--all you millions of Indie Voters--the Republican Party came up with the word outsourcing---and shipped millions of American jobs to foreign countries.

put that in your "made in china" pipes--and puff it!"

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

copyright--2010
by
stanley jerry hoffman

recession?---call the rich

I'm a sardonic--laconic--platonic
animatronic--Duran Durand
head in the sand
a White House ostrich

things are so bad
I'm down to eating beans,
and I thought of a line
from the genius genes
of John Maynard Keynes

the great economist
shaking an iron fist --
in the "Paradox of Thrift"
raves and raves
and raves and raves

that if everyone saves,
everyone is poorer
from all walks of life
from the lazy
to the doer

buying Burger Kings
is bad!
pizza sad!

and cheap sloppy slurpies
and tropical shakes,
that ain't gonna do it--
we need the rich
buying diamond
encrusted cup cakes!

we need high rollers
the big ass spenders!
not little guys repairing
fender-benders!

applaud the rich
buying a Lexus
or Mercedes!
without all that spending
we're heading
for Hades!

what's more important,
selling a bikini
or Super Rich buying
a $200,000 Lamborghini?

get all that wealth out
put it in circulation
we'll get a new start
in this debt-ridden nation

it's an absolute must
without wealthy spending,
we'll all go bust!
now who do you trust?
I rest my case!

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a FederalTradeMark

copyright--2009

SNL--Tina Fey---"dejavu" propo3

it happened again---I can't believe it!---IT HAPPENED AGAIN!

this Sat. night (5--22-2010)---DEJAVU!---and so fast!

in living color---right in front of my eyes--SNL pops on the screen with the ever ebullient Tina Fey---the wit-snap-dragon-lady of comedy and 2 cohorts---tearing into Tiger Woods in a golf sketch that I wrote in my series on Tiger Woods--Too Big To Fail--Part 5.

This SNL show was a repeat of the original show done a few weeks ago--but the golf sketch was so funny--I guess Tina and crew had to do it again quick to keep the high laugh ratings going.

I understand--if you want the best laughs you go to the best comedy writer!---if it's a choice between laughs and silence---screw the ethics!---go for the belly laughs and keep denying the evil deed.

that's why Tina Fey is an off-beat genius!---what I'm saying is--the real genius in Tina Fey is the genius she has in finding the most creative comedy minds and doing 180 on them as she pilfers their funny lines---smiling all the while into the camera---building, always building, her resume into a legendary domain.

I spoke to my Rabbi about this---how SNL stole my whole Tiger Woods golf concept without so much as a twinge of conscience---and nary a mention of me as the original writer.

the Rabbi thought about this for a moment--and being the wise man that he is--looked into my eyes with 5000 years of Jewish wisdom racing through his brains and said: "ahh, eat some pickled herring and a chopped liver sandwich, have a good belch , you'll feel better---and don't expect too much justice in this life---that's why we have a heaven-----OK, boychik?"

so I'm taking the Rabbi's advice---and I'm letting go.
but the pain still lingers.
Tina could have emailed me---at least something:
a Thank You maybe--
just a plain simple "thank you."

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

copyright--2010
by
stanley jerry hoffman

ps: I did get on the show with Justin Bieber, though.
who knows---maybe they needed me to cover his back!
K

snl and tina fey--the heist comedy gang--propo 2

I'm still waiting to hear from the notorious SNL rogues who decided that my writing humor was superior to theirs on the subject regarding TIGER WOODS and the golf brain-washing bit I published for all to read: TIGER WOODS--TOO BIG TO FAIL--PART 5 .

I can only deduce that they stole my satirical sketch on TIGER when they really needed something funny and at that moment their creative comedy minds were locked up in a mental ghetto!---with no possible way out except for the ORIGINAL who dreamed it up--- but how embarrassing to come begging for a golf concept by an unknown writer not in their funny den.

A sad commentary on ethics by the power heads who pride themselves on their originality when they steal ---without remorse---and get PAID FOR IT!---and live in peace with their dastardley deeds!

SNL--Tina Fey--propo 3 next

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

copyright--2010
by
stanley jerry hoffman

SNL-Tina Fey stole my Blog on Tiger Woods--propo 1

Last Sat. night --April 10, 2010--I'm watching SNL and imagine my surprise--here's 2 cast members and Tina Fey doing a golf sketch about TIGER WOODS and how he couldn't help doing what he did sexually with all those girls because it wasn't his fault.
No!---Tina says it wasn't TIGER'S fault--it was the language of golf that was the villain!---all those golf expressions and words with sexy, dirty meanings.-----that's what drove TIGER off the edge.
those deep, subliminal messages constantly banging on him--no willpower left to fight the daily onslaught intimidating his right hemisphere--and TIGER became a helpless pawn in this seemingly quiet, innocent, yet pernicious game--a victim of golf brainwashing!

it's all there in "TIGER WOODS--TOO BIG TO FAIL--part 5"
on my Blog : kwayzar.blogspot.com

so when I saw the SNL sketch I saw shocked, hurt, sad, and yet happy that I was good enough for Tina Fey--who I really do adore--to commit verbal theft--semantic burglary--idea plagiarism--and show the world that I AM A GOOD WRITER!---and the best part--I didn't have to beg anyone to do it like most writers.

so thank you Tina--and your cohorts--and Lorne Michaels---who would have ever thought I'd get my 15 minutes of fame on SNL--for a comedy blog I did on Tiger Woods (albeit a very quiet
15 minutes of fame).

it's a feather in my unemployed hat---and I console myself with a line I have in my rap video now on YOUTUBE-----"Kwayzar-the Cyber Rap video"-----the line: "and take the journey"---

it's the journey,Tina Fey----- it's aways been the journey.

SNL--Tina Fey propo 2 next

kwayzar
(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

copyright--2010
by
stanley jerry hoffman

Kwayzar at the Deli with Bobby Darin

WINTER OLYMPICS---WHAT A SNOW JOB!

what a ripoff!---what a scam!---what a con job!---talk about a burn!---grand theft!---larceny, inc.!---steal from the poor--give to the rich!

shady rotten things are going on--right under the nose--and eyes--of Interpol--Royal Canadian Mounted Police---Law agencies the world over---and nothing is done about it!

can you believe it?---I"m talking robberies!---ROBBERIES happening in broad daylight!---and the ROBBERS get away with it!

the robbers , by the way---are a quaint , tiny group called the "IOC" ---that owns--controls--and operates the Olympic Games---in a "feudal system" where they are the Lords and Masters---and athletes are the peasants!

hard to believe--in this era of High Tech---space stations--mephones--youphones--herphones--hisphones--iphones--stem cell therapy--cloning--------the Olympics are still a hangover from a bygone age---and the feudal IOC Lords and Masters seem very happy and quite content to let things stay as they are---and see no reason to change.

with Olympic Games earnings in the hundreds of millions of dollars---I can see why the IOC is happy with the way things are---hey, I'm glad they're making all that money!---they should be making tons of money!---and therein lies the problem.

IOC---FEUDAL MASTERS------100% of profits
athletes--feudal servants---0% of profits

IOC gets it all!
athletes get "zilch!"
where is the justice in that?

how would you like a store where you don't pay anything for the merchandise---all the inventory is free!---and the people who give you all these goods do it to show you how good it is and how many years they spent making it and how proud they are of it and walk away happy without a dime!

that's what the Olympics are all about---athletes brag to the world how good they are---and the IOC happily deposits all the profits in Swiss bank accounts!---they get the whole pie!

and the athletes---who are the heart and soul of the Olympic Games---these poor, struggling athletes who pushed their bodies to the ultimate in pursuit of physical perfection for most of their young lives---dreaming of Olympic Gold---all these athletes get is the privilege to lick the pie pan for a few crumbs that are left.

time to wake up, athletes---WAKE UP!------Kwayzar has the solution to this terrible, unfair dilemma!---it's that dirty old phrase---PROFIT SHARING!---YES--PROFIT SHARING!

but let's not get greedy---you just want a piece of the pie---the whole pie is too many calories--too fattening--and way to much sugar---no, just a tiny piece--like maybe 50%---that'd be fair.--Olympics take in 500 million---half of that is 250 million---then take the number of actual athletes participating in all the events---and split it evenly between all the winners and the losers!

that takes the Olympics out of the feudal system and into the 21st Century---and that rewards ALL THE ATHLETES for sacrificing everything they had to win---and make their families and country proud of them.

and that gives hope to future athletes---knowing they'll at least get something---even if they never win Gold or any medal---even if they never stand on the podium hearing their National Anthem played---willing to risk it all---even if they never catch "The Impossible Dream"---all these athletes have earned their share in it!

hey, IOC---are you listening?

you want the best Olympics?---the worlds greatest athletic extravaganza?-----you demand no less fron the athletes---well, we demand no less from you.

time to spread the wealth!

prove to the world that the International Olympics Committee---is every bit a champion like the athletes you represent!

hey, we really love you guys---but what's fair is fair!

and to be brutally honest---the Winter Olympics is no place for a SNOW JOB!

God Bless Sports!

Kwayzar

TIGER WOODS PART 9

so don't be worried, TIGER, about public image and saving face---we forgave Germany---we can certainly forgive you!

OK---so you destroyed your marriage!

------so you betrayed your wife!

------so you cheated on your wife!

------so you deceived your wife!

------so you lied to your wife!

------so you humiliated your wife!

------so you made a mockery of Fatherhood!

------so you had sex orgies--sex orgies--sex orgies--(WOW!)

------so you ruined your All American image!

------so you tainted the good name of Golf!

how lucky you are that it happened in this country!---that's a blessing!---a blessing, TIGER!
at this very moment---you are the ideal candidate---the leading contender---an absolute
shoo-in---to win the coveted "RAT AWARD of the YEAR " PRIZE!---a siver tray holding our most precious habit forming drug.

Don't you see, TIGER---by winning the RAT AWARD of the YEAR PRIZE---the American people---willingly---are handing you---"FORGIVENESS" on a platter!

you'll be in again!---a hero!---a giant of a hero!---like this year's large boxes of detergent soap--you'll be a bigger--better--and more improved hero than ever!

I can hear the crowds now---on the greens---cheering and chanting:

TI---GER!--------------TI---GER!------------TI---GER!

so bring on the paparazzi---divorce lawyers---cocktail waitresses---porn stars---billion dollar Empires at stake---lives and careers hanging in the balance---WHAT A MOVIE!---Hollywood get with it!---this is the Blockbuster of Blockbusters!---the AVATAR of SIN AND REDEMPTION---and think of the sequels---wow!---wow!---wow!

OMG!---whoever thought Golf was that sensual--so naughty--so secretive--so explicit--and so earth shattering a game!

in the meantime---for all you devoted TIGER fans---patience!
no time for backslapping and pouring the bubbly---
TIGER---is still not out of the WOODS---yet!

oh, I almost forgot---2010 is the Year of the TIGER in China---now tell me---how many guys have a year named after them?---amazing---even in China they shout his name!---maybe it's an omen.

and so we have 2 final questions:
"Can a tiger change its stripes?"

Zen Buddhist question:
"what is the SOUND of ONE TIGER changing its stripes?"

hopefully, the sound is contrition---a mea culpa---and a rededication of marriage vows.

there's an old gambling adage:---"always bet on the champ"
so my money is on TIGER!

yeah, OK---so he's mysterious--erratic--a puzzle--a conundrum--and loaded with "weird!"
would you expect anything less?---I mean we're talking

TIGER---the Perfect Poster Boy of KOAN!

TIGER WOODS---PART 10--- the God Epilogue--much later

kwayzar

TIGER WOODS PART 8

flash!---bulletin!---red alert!---email!---GPS---spy cams!---video cams!--periscopes!---telescopes!---all ships at sea!---seeing-eye dogs!--twitter!--will the real TIGER WOODS stand up and show your face!---where are you, TIGER?---where are you hiding?

some reports had you in a Buddhist temple in Tibet meditating on sin---other reports have you combing the Sahara desert looking for a new identity---is your body inert, but your metaphysical form is somewhere in Cyberspace Cybersulking?---now that'd be a good one if you could pull it off---or are you sitting on Kilimanjaro promising to return when heavy snow falls---but heavy snows won't be falling because of global warming---My God, you'll be there forever!

look, TIGER, I just want to see you go from current has-been to having been a has-been to Super Star again!---look, whatever you did wasn't your fault!---you heard me---it wasn't your fault!---it was the Great Designer's fault!---turning you into a Golf Legend Lothario---packed with testosterone dynamite ready to explode at any given moment!

you were destined to make a hole-in-one---on or off the course---we don't begrudge you that---we revel in it!---See!, you couldn't help what you did.---blame the Great Designer turning out a money making body that has more money than most guys so you could afford to fool around more than most guys, that's all!---what's wrong with that?

So please come out TIGER---you have nothing to fear
millions are waiting---for you to appear
all your past actions---and infidelity
are now in the open---for everyone to see!

that's why you're safe, TIGER.
am I psychic? No!---clairvoyant? No!---telepathic? No!
but I know the American people---and one thing Americans are good at---is "forgiveness"

we are BIG on FORGIVENESS!

that 11-letter word is our drug of choice!---our national pastime!---it is ingrained in our psyche.

WE'll FORGIVE ANYONE!-----adult beaters--wife beaters--tax cheaters--child molesters
robbers--gang bangers--thieves--rapists--politicians--police brutality--baby snatchers--cowards--we even forgive BAD MOVIES!---that's how ingrained it is in our "let's be good to all"
American psyche!

we forgive killers on Death Row---they keep filing appeals and die of old age!---we even forgive THEM!

Nazi Germany murdered 6 million Jews in WWII---and when the war ended---how many residents in Beverly Hills--Palm Springs--New York--Chicago--Florida--and elsewhere--
could hardly wait to buy a Mercedes or a Porsche and drive in style once again--behind the wheel of German engineering--German design--German efficiency--smiling and happy.

memories of Auschwitz--Buchenwald--Treblinka--fading away ever so quietly--as if the horror scene had never been real--as if the carnage in Nazi Germany had never existed.

see how we punished Germany---WE BOUGHT THEIR CARS!---that's how big this country is on forgiveness!

TIGER WOODS PART 7

we are only free

as our minds

wish us to be


but TIGER--to get something off my liberal chest--I know you're not a racist--so how come only white girls?---you only had sex with white girls--14 of them!---not a black girl in the group!---this entire sexual ensemble was blackless!---I looked and looked--nope--only white faces.

I feel bad, TIGER, because look at the money these white girls are making selling their stories to mags--TV--tabloids--cable--satellite--and anywhere else our system smells a buck.
they are gonna get rich!---WHITE GIRLS getting rich sleeping with TIGER!

so spread the wealth---the least you could have done is offer your services to a couple of your brothers--I mean sisters.
they could use the money too!---probably come from poor neighborhoods---and with your escapades in hand--gosh--they could sell them for a few hundred thousand---get a good life going---buy a home---raise a family---and be forever grateful to the one and only TIGER WOODS for helping them get a fresh start in life!

so the next time, TIGER, if you still insist on dalliances and illicit sex in the fast lane--please give a couple of black girls a chance to cash in on all of the notoriety!---spread it around---don't be selfish.

remember, TIGER, give--and ye shall receive!---and you will have two of the most faithful, loyal fans you will ever have in your life---they'll believe in you forever!

now that's what I call disposable income serving a good cause!


TIGER WOODS PART 8--NEXT

TIGER WOODS PART 6

TIGER WOODS---Poster Boy of Zen Koan



there are no winners

there are no losers

the mathematics of a Supreme Universe

everything evens out



variety is the spice of life---in TIGER's case--he abused the privilege. when variety gets to the point where even the word DICHOTOMY is in shock---crossing the River Styx is less of a hell than what TIGER's gonna be going thru!---and you won't need a Spelling Bee to sound out the meaning of a word--like trouble!---TIGER TROUBLE!---spelled : having a secret dalliance with a cocktail waitress. A COCKTAIL WAITRESS!---hey, maybe he got free drinks !---my motto: never trust a free drink---free drinks are like a mafia martini---when you least expect it, they come back and shove a fist of olives up your ass!---if there's toothpicks involved--it can be painful!---and cost plenty!

how about a marriage--a beautiful wife--two kids--a good chunk of a trillion dollar estate--fame and glory---yet it wasn't enough. TIGER took a bite of the Forbidden Apple and lo and behold!

---TIGER is expelled from the Garden of Eden by the Gods of economics and morality---taken down by a woman---and not just one---try 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-women!---oh wow!sexual encounters with 13 women!!!-----what!---another one popped up?---that makes 14!!!---OMG!-----where does he get the physical stamina to support this strenuous lifestyle and service a stable of 14 broads?

year round golf events--winning tournaments--personal appearances--jetting here--jetting there--all over the planet--hardly sleeping--eating tons of junk food--and yet TIGER still had the energy to knock off 14 women like bowling pins---wow!! wow!! wow!!

TIGER IS the BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS!!!---who needs Wheaties?
we should have an awards show for Super Athletes: how many girls you can knock off in a month--and still score on the field--without staggering!-----you know, human interest stories.

it seems TIGER was under the spell of his own magical image---hey, remember the Bible?
Samson and Delilah---ring a bell?---Samson was no match ---and that was only one on one.
this guy's messing with 14 Delilahs!----14 harlots at last count---14!!!!!!

whatever you do, TIGER---DON'T CUT YOUR HAIR!!!-----and if you did---let it grow out QUICK!!!!!!QUICK!!!!!!QUICK!!!!!!


TIGER WOODS---PART7--next

TIGER WOODS PART 5

poetic justice has many faces---and TIGER---a meandering wildcat---fell into an abyss---a powerless pawn in a game where he wasn't the chess Master! An unfamiliar role--and confused.


Hold it!---Wait a minute!---an Epipheny!---Yes!--an Epipheny!---OMG!---a nanosecond, and
I AM THE CENTER OF UNIVERSAL TRUTH--I see it all!---ENLIGHTENMENT--ILLUMINATION---OMG! I cried out!---how could I have been so wrong?---TIGER is innocent! Yes! TIGER WOODS is innocent!


He's not the one to blame for all those "pecas"---all those one nighters---all those thrilling cheating moments powered by infidelity---No!--No! TIGER was a victim! You heard me! a victim of the game he loved so much. the real villain--the true villain---is GOLF!!!---yes, you heard right!---Golf is what led TIGER astray---toying with his mind--playing with his emotions--Golf turning TIGER into a hostage--driving TIGER's brain into a 24-7 uncontrollable
hyperdrive frenzy!


Yes-Golf is the villain---My God,man!---can't you see?---it's the LANGUAGE of golf that's the enemy! Yes!---the language!---you heard me! all these Golf terms--golf phrases--golf expressions--shooting through his brain like subliminal x-rated bullets!---subtle, devious, the power of suggestion lies in wait--like a real hungry tiger--ready to pounce and destroy even those at the top of their sport!

who would believe this quiet, peaceful, slow moving game--in reality--is a verbal playground of sexual hangups!---Yes!---enough sexual hangups to fill a pantheon of porn vocabulary!---an 18 hole Scottish-hand-me-down semantic minefield--slowly driving TIGER mad.

so don't blame TIGER acting like he hit himself on the head with a wedgy and a 5-iron---he was helpless against a daily onslaught of repressed erotica safely tucked away within the bowels of Golf cliches---from nice guy to wild sex addict---Golf euphemisms pounding his head---TIGER exploded with the passion of an X-rated Don Juan!


the girls flipped for TIGER'S charm--as he explained to these nanosecond lovers the thrill of making a hole-in-one!---YES!---proud his performance in bed is UNDER PAR!
---she ooohs and aaahs


how he loves the game--even when his balls are in the rough!
---"ohhhhh---ohhhh!" she squeels


the joy of grasping a shank--hard and stiff--and gently stroking a putting green.
---"YES--YES--YES--!" she moans


boasting to the girls about unprotected sex--not bothering to put a glove on his driver!
"OH--you're driving me mad-mad-mad!"


making girls come apart--when he winks and tells them how good he is---at the SKINS GAME!
"oh, I can't take it--don't stop--don't stop!---OHHHHH--OHHHHHH--OHHHHHH!

YES!--YES!--OH DON'T STOP!--DON'T STOP--DON'T STOP!--OHHHHHHH--OHHHHHHH!

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!------YES!------YES!-----YES-----!"

"OH!------------------------MY!------------------GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD!"


Man, am I hungry---let's get Chinese!


see, TIGER couldn't help it---it's those Golf expressions---they drive a guy nuts!

a beaten, bruised--totally confused
Super Hero--and feeling used


TIGER WOODS--Part 6--next

TIGER WOODS PART4

and once public, TIGER'S peccadillos made sex scandals in Hollywood history look as daring as afternoon tea time and crumpets.

the progression was astounding---one escapade--and TIGER morphed from escapade to sexcapades--to more and more and more sexcapades---and now TIGER is in a new show--skating on a very thin ICECAPADES! does he fall through? do we save him? of course we save him! we can't let TIGER go under--- my GOD, he's a one-man NATIONAL ECONOMY!---that's free enterprise---survival of the monetary fittest---Darwin is alive and well!

TIGER--in the truest sense-- is a cautionary tale: poor boy to super rich boy---world's greatest golfer--beautiful wife--two beautiful kids--fame--a golden image---and suddenly it all came crashing down---and TIGER'S dream world turned into a celebrity nightmare---booze--drugs-- and all those devastating--devouring--mind blowing one-nighters---each girl hanging on to TIGER--hoping for just a taste of that 15 minutes of fame.

I'm sure we're all asking the same question: why did TIGER take all those dumb stupid chances and gamble away everything that meant the world to him? his thinking was so bizarre---like he hit himself on the head with a 2 iron and saw real Birdies!!!---this guy was making more rounds than an ER doctor!---like an arab hopping from bed to bedouin! it became an obsession---he couldn't stop---so many women crying out they couldn't wait to feel his thrill hammer again!--and again!--and again!

poor TIGER was trapped---of his own undoing, of course. did he think he'd never get caught? never be exposed? none of these affairs made public?---c'mon! a few passionate moments with TIGER is worth a tabloid gold mine---put that together with the TIGER gold mine---and we got MegaBuck stories. I can see the girls point of view---they gave TIGER a piece--now they want a piece--of the action!---and whatever else they can squeeze out of him.--like unprotected sex. was this a plot? hoping to get pregnant and catch the gold ring?

"Guess what, TIGER?---cubby cubby on the way."

BA-WANG!!!---BOOM!!!---WOW!!!--WOW!!!---WOW!!!---WHEEEEEE!!!---OOOOOHHH!!!---BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP!!!!!!

no fun getting texted 2 in the morning with that message!-----didn't he think or worry about that?-----the king of golf---expelled from the Garden of Eden---and some steamy one-nighter slips in and gets a lifetime pass to the lush life--FREE! compliments of---ah, the blessings of golf know no limits.

TIGER WOODS PART 5 next

kwayzar

TIGER WOODS PART3

"wait a minute--that's a KOAN if I ever heard one---2 different questions--but the 2 answers coming from 2 different questions are the same!"

exactly! if tiger--super sports icon--is no longer able to spin his magic on the links--the Big 4 of golf and other major corporations will lose mega-billions--on top of the billions they've already lost---massive layoffs--companies fold--wall st. lays another egg--and here we go again! BAILOUT TIME! and those alcoholic stewed senators--whiskey breath--sipping a martini with olives hanging on their lower lips--give them their Shakespeare pound of flesh (our flesh really, right?)---a trillion dollars--printing presses roll!---which, by the way, devalues our dollar even more!

"you mean one guy can cause all that trouble?"

you bet!

"hey, what about the other question---is TIGER NOT TOO BIG TO FAIL?

yes

"hold it--that's the same answer as the first part!"and

exactly--same set of rules--an identical mirror reflection of TOO BIG TO FAIL!

"I need another drink!"

not because the answer is "yes"--but because it could also culminate in national chaos---only this time because a few million moralists and religious fanatics--and do-gooders--and bible thumping preachers--and followers of pure chastity--and just plain morons--and all frustrated
individuals fighting back sex urges to do it again--and again--and again--with the freedom of TIGER--or don't have sex because mommy and daddy said it's bad and the Lord will punish you if you do! so this entire group of "I'm better than you are" mentality refuses to buy or see anything golf related--and the economy sputters!---all this to punish TIGER--and there we go again---Bailout Time! same senators--same whiskey breath--more olives hanging on lower lips---and not wishing to lose an election--Congress ponies up a Trillion dollar gift---taken from Americans having trouble even eating! and it's back to business as usual.
"And all this was caused by ---?
Percolating testosterone in a star athlete's body---kicking TIGER on the high road to peccadillos!
"peca-----what?"
Peccadillos! that tempting--guilty--sweet taste of a one-night stand---heart racing to the point of tachycardia!---that momentary illicit forbidden hormone shaking thrill over riding all sense of reason---and "peca" became an invisible way of life.


tiger woods part 4 next

TIGER WOODS PART 2

like GM--CHRYSLER--BANKS--WALL ST--AIG--the big question:

IS TIGER WOODS TOO BIG TO FAIL?

now there's a question worthy of a KOAN!
"a what?"
KOAN!
"sounds like a Jewish ice cream"
not THAT kind of CONE!--or COHN---a Zen Buddhist KOAN! Like: what is the sound of one hand applauding?
"ooohh, that's deep"
I'll bring it up to date--what is the sound of one golf club swinging?
MM---------OO-------------------NN-------------------EE---------------YY!!!!!!!!!
money! money! money! money! money! money! "
"so TIGER WOODS is a KOAN?"
a living KOAN! THE perfect POSTER BOY OF KOAN! a man of many faces--mysterious--a connundrum--living in a parallel universe!
"a parallel what?"
two universes--he screws up in this universe--and the other universe straightens him out!
"I need a drink!!-----hey, what about the question?"
get yourself a double shot--you're gonna need it for this one
"oh no---not another KOAN?"
no, but close-------IS TIGHER WOODS TOO BIG TO FAIL?
YES!
IS TIGER WOODS NOT TOO BIG TO FAIL?
YES!


tiger woods part 3 next

tiger woods part 1

the shocking news blasted out of cable--TV--satellite--radio--cell phones--internet--TIGER Woods has committed adultery---did I hear right? was that ADULTERY? OMG! WOW!

his faithful wife at home--and America's hero is out studding it up with cocktail waitresses--pornstars--and other beautiful girls eager to throw their bodies at the world's greatest golf player--who also just happens to be a Billionaire! now why would girls want to do that? WHY?!


and Tiger---is this the same TIGER with that youthful innocent face---that heart warming boyish grin---that nice sweet young kid with the fairy tale career and marriage? You're sure it's the same TIGER we see in the news all the time?---smiling and looking so gentle and carefree?THAT TIGER? I need lasik! my eyes deceive me.

can you believe it? can you REALLY believe it? one young guy--his only weapon a golf club and a small round ball--taking down 4 major Corporate sponsorships: AT@T--NIKE--GATORADE-GILLETTE--to the undanceable tune of 14 billion dollars in losses--and billions more in losses coming. Wow! Wow! Wow! all because TIGER is the greatest golfer in the world--and those Corporate Suits fell into line and fell for Tiger---hook--line and stinker! Schmucks!!! you don't put all your eggs in one basket! you don't put all your stocks in one basket! you don't put all your vegas money in one basket---are you nuts? have you lost you senses! and you certainly don't put all your MORALS in one basket! not in one celebrity! now you're ASKING FOR REAL TROUBLE! the fast lane has a great track record of disaster. and if you do (all in one basket) which you did--we got ourselves a perfect emotional storm: Astonishment--Disbelief--and a raging sense of BETRAYAL!

hey suits, are you listening? invest in IMAGE---get blindsided by REALITY! Corporate Egos and Tunnelvision: a perfect pair! and all that education--my my my! I'd like to meet the PR guy who said bad publicity is good for you. hey fella, check this speed bump!

and now the burning question--a question holding the world in suspense---

TIGER WOODS---PART 2 NEXT

KWAYZAR

steve lopez contest re manny the dodger

steve lopez gives up on manny and his world series tickets---contest was 50 words or less about the anger steve felt about manny and how he let the dodger team down...winner to get 2 world series tickets which never happened---I sent entry in but I did it in rap form---

Mannywood baseball---slipped into freefall
we gave you love and hugs--you gave us lies and drugs
a sensation--on female medication
devoid--of steroid--paranoid--your hustle lost its
manly muscle--unglued--fans booed--your once
exalted place--Manny--get a
Nanny--and wipe disgrace off your face!!!

a winner--right? nope-- not even a word from steve--but tell me---it was
good enough to win--wasn't it?

kwayzar

fast thought:

like gm-ford-bank of america--city group--AIG---is tiger woods TOO BIG TO FAIL!
more later
kwayzar