Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I'm mad as hell--and I'm not gonna fake it anymore!

Yeah, you heard me--I'm mad as hell--and I'm not gonna fake it anymore!
"wait a minute--fake it anymore?---you mean "I'm not gonna take it anymore!"
NO--I'm not gonna fake it anymore!---I'm gonna do exactly what Steve Slater did!
"Steve Slater?"
yeah, remember?---the airline steward who reached the boiling point at passengers yelling and snapping at him and momentarily went bananas or berserk or for a nanosecond crossed the threshold of insanity (take your pick)---flipped the lever--popped a beer--slid down the escape shoot from the plane-- and happily walked away from his job--security--401K---WOW! WOW! WOW!
that' s my hero!---you hear me?---a HERO!
he got his 15 minutes of fame because he just couldn't take it anymore--and went out and did something about it !-----a little guy, a little employee--no power or connections--made a statement heard 'round the world--like the first shot fired at Concord--and a revolution started because one small peon wouldn't take it anymore.

"wait a minute---how can he be your hero when you just said he couldn't take it anymore--and you keep saying 'I'm not gonna fake it anymore.' "
that's right---he just didn't go far enough.
"far enough?"
that's right---look---not taking it is one-dimensional---not faking it is all-encompassing!
"I'm listening--but I think I'm getting rattled."

OK--when you're not gonna take it anymore--it usually refers to where you work and all the chicken shit things they throw at you on a daily basis---dirty inside power plays--office politics--work conditions--that turn you into a repressed nervous twerp--and you gotta take it or you'll be wiping your butt with only one pink slip!---right?
"yeah, I guess."

well, I'm going to a new level--from this day on, I'm through with phonies--liars--con artists--chiselers--cheaters--smiles with contempt behind them---in other words, I'm not gonna fake it anymore from any source and pretend things are fine--and be a willing stooge while scum bags of every size and shape splash--paint--and cover my body in demeaning verbal acrylics until I morph into a human graffiti wall.

enough is enough!---I'm mad as hell and I'm fighting back!
"what are you gonna do?"
I'm gonna out-fake all the fakers who've been out-faking me all my life!
"you mean there's that many fakers out there?"
they're all over the place---and it happens every second of the day!
"like what?"
how about:

bartenders who water down drinks--they fake it!
women screaming during an orgasm--they fake it!
a waiter saying the fish is wild caught and not farm raised!--he fakes it!
saleslady telling obese teen-agers how sexy they'll look in a new bikini--she fakes it!
supermarkets advertising "our produce is all organic"--they fake it!
farmers markets saying their produce is 100% organic when they buy from
the same chemical sprayed soil the supermarkets buy from--they fake it!
cheating wives and cheating husbands staying together by sheer force of habit--they fake it!
school kids texting each other answers to exams--they fake it!
Big Mac selling burgers to a jingle: "I'm loving it" except when it's heart attack time-- fake it!
Big Pharma sells drugs to keep us healthy/thousands drop dead taking it--they're faking it!
Congress demanding the budget be cut but won't cut one dollar from their income--they fake it!
Bush invading Iraq on a lie--Weapons of Mass Destruction--the President even faked it!

"while you're at it--throw in India."
"Yeah--they're loaded with Fakirs!"
you know--I'm so furious I'm gonna overlook that remark---let's get a drink.
"a drink?---didn't you just say bartenders water down the --------"
I don't care what I said--I'm desperate--I'm dry--and I'm buying.
"hell, let's go--so the martini's weaker than before--who cares--I'm drinking with a friend--they can't water that down---let's go!"

(the pollenator)

KWAYZAR is a Federal TradeMark

stanley jerry hoffman